Attitude adjustment has proven to be a difficult process for me. I can fall into patterns of self-abuse so easily, it is rote for me. Once again, I curse the lack of variety in the tools I can use to accomplish this goal. I am committed to the process, though, so there is no turning back.
Once I started this process I started thinking back on all the ‘tools’ I use for interpersonal communication and conflict resolution. Conflict resolution came to mind because what is happening is I am essentially in conflict with myself. I’m the boss of myself and I’m disappointed in my employee’s behavior and I’m getting a bit belligerent about it.
When I’m actually in conflict with someone else or am advising someone regarding a conflict they are having, I use the phrase ‘Rise above it.’ In my point of view, we get two options regarding conflict, we can get down in the mud and fight it out or we can rise above it and move on. Yet, whenever I get in conflict with myself, I can’t help but fall right in the mud and wrestle with myself.
How do I rise above a conflict I am having with myself?
I have high expectations for myself and when I fall short I literally get angry at myself. I beat myself up for days. It is unproductive and damaging to my sense of self-esteem. I know this, yet… I do it.
Rise above. When I have these moments of self-hatred, I need to give myself the same slack I would give anyone. By holding myself to a standard I wouldn’t hold anyone else to, I am only setting myself up for failure, for my self-hatred. There is a lot there that needs to be analyzed. Why would I set myself up for failure? Why would I hold myself to a higher standard than anyone else? Beyond that, I need to rise above these moments, and move on. That is the truly healthy way to handle this.
I’m not held to a higher expectation than anyone else in my life.