What I told Groupon
When I’m at work and someone calls out that I have a phone call, I know it is about Groupon. It really is the only reason why I have to get a phone call at work. You know Groupon, right? It is one of the most popular, “successful” deal websites around. It arranges with businesses to have them sell their goods and services for 50% of the value and takes 50% of what they do pay.
If you aren’t paying attention the math is if something normally costs $100, Groupon arranges to sell it for $50, and takes $25. Each deal they negotiate is different and there are variations, but that is essentially the gist of it. They take the cut because they are driving traffic to the business.
Personally, I don’t see the purpose Groupon serves. A pimp does more for his ladies than Groupon does for the businesses it works with. Be that as it may, there has to be some businesses getting something out of it for them to keep going back to the Groupon well. And technically, the business I contract with did get value but not in the way we were orignally told we would.
Any way, Frak Groupon! I’m sorry was that harsh? I meant Frak all the Deal Websites. Any company asking someone else to do all the work and take all the risk can move in single file to the Frak You Room.
So when I picked up the phone, I was expecting to talk to another customer who purchased our Groupon Deal and was confused, yet again, on what it was and how to redeem it. Apparently people just buy Groupon deals because it comes to them and they feel compelled to purchase everything that comes to them. The young man on the phone said he was calling about the Groupon deal we ran.
I’m not a phone person. I hate talking on the phone. I hate not getting the visual cues one would normally get from a face-to-face conversation and I hate not having the time to carefully consider word choice. So once I find a pattern to a conversation I just follow it.
“Have you redeemed your Groupon, yet?”
“Oh, no, this is about the deal. I’m doing a satisfaction survey.”
This gave me pause. “A survey? I don’t think I’m the one you want to talk to. The guy who authorized the Groupon is probably the one you want to confer with. He would be the one authorizing any future deals.” It was a deflection.
“You aren’t happy with it?”
“Uh, no. But I’m just the hired help. I believe the bossman thinks the deal worked out for the business.”
“What do you think?”
“You know, I really don’t think it is my place.”
“This is just a survey…”
“My responses really only represent myself and not the business. I am not privvy to the financial information so I can’t speak to the deal as a whole.”
“That’s okay, I want your feedback.”
Caesar refused the crown thrice, right?
“It was an awful experience.”
“In what ways?”
“The technical assistance promised up front never came through. We were promised a handheld scanner to redeem the coupons locally and that was never given to us. The original predicted volume of people never came through but we spent extra money beefing up our server to prepare for it. Bad metrics like this feel like bait-and-switch but I’m glad we didn’t get those volumes because integrating Groupon into our e-commerce site was time consuming and resulted in spending more money with consultants to get it operational.”
All of that came rushing out of my mouth. I had been holding a lot of this back for a long time and it felt good to be free of it.
“I see… would you recommend other businesses do a Groupon?”
“Oh hell no. Sorry. No, absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“The whole deal economy under values what businesses have to offer. It creates unrealistic expectations of value. Deal sites are leeches unconcerned with the outcome and long-term viability and unintended consequences.”
“Is there anything else?”
“No. And I’m sorry. This sucks. I know listening to someone rant all negative makes for a rough day.”
“Hey, no problem. I get paid to write down what you say.”
“Still. Sorry. I’m done.”
“Thank you for your time, sir.”
And that is what I told Groupon
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About Sean
Sean D. Francis is a technologist, writer, and geek. He podcasts, makes video, and dabbles in all the geeky genres including horror, sci-fi, and fantasy. View all posts by Sean → This entry was posted in Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.← Universal Geek: That Was a Rough One | A New Concept of Journaling →
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