Nobody Uses the Internet on Friday: Religious Insensitivity Edition


There are many things that one should never joke about: genocide, religion, religious genocide, and fluoride. Wow, don’t get me started on the mind-controlling properties of fluoride. Since nobody uses the Internet on Friday, I guess it won’t matter if I decide to poke fun at some religion – okay not the religion per se because I’m the last person to raise the ire of the gods – but there are some adherents to religions that deserve a good mocking.

Tomorrow, Reverend Terry Jones planned to burn Korans to honor the 9/11. How exactly burning books honors 9/11, I am not sure and he certainly isn’t articulate about it. He thinks burning paper will show Islam, the entire religion of Islam, that Christianity is a powerful religion that should not be meddled with or something. I guess before I start poking fun at this joker I should get his own words on the issue.

[Reverend Jones] argues that as an American Christian he has a right to burn Islam’s sacred book because “it’s full of lies.” New York Times

I argue he has the right to burn the book because he has the right to burn whatever property he owns so long as he does it in a responsible manner and has taken the proper safety precautions. He is an idiot because he thinks that burning the book will in someway affect the religion. Religion does not come from the book, the book comes from the religion. Burning Catcher in the Rye somehow didn’t stop it from being considered a great book by a lot of crazed fanatical literature enthusiasts.

Reverend Jones indicated that burning the Koran will tell Islam all over the world that the United States does not want Sharia Law. Guess what? Islam already knows that because the United States has the Constitution and unless crazy Christian fundamentalists have their way, all laws, even God’s laws are beneath the Constitution. No fear of religious laws dictating our civil laws, unless crazy ass Christians like Reverend Jones have their way.

How many people have I angered? I’m threading a delicate needle here, because I believe spiritual faith comes from a personal connection with the Divine, not a book, so burning Korans, Bibles, Torahs, and Atlas Shruggeds have no affect on the religions that utilize them for worship. So if I’m slowly freezing to death and need paper to start a fire, any paper will do. If I’m trying to somehow send a message to a religion, burning its sacred objects certainly does it but the message being sent is you are a crazy SOB.

This got me thinking about other messages that failed to do what they intended to do:

Five Failed Political-Religious Messages

1. The Catholic Church’s Sanctioning of Galileo Galilei
Due to a bit of a disagreement over whether the Earth goes around the Sun or if the Sun goes around the Earth, Galileo who advocated the Earth going around the Sun, was declared a heretic, forced to renounce the truth, and not allowed to publish anything else. Unfortunately for the Church, the Earth still revolved around the Sun. Message Received: The Church is anti-science.

2. The Spanish Inquisition
In an effort to combat the encroachment of Muslims into Spain, the Catholic Church authorized the Inquisition to purify the Iberian peninsula. Protestants, Jews, Moors, Freemasons, witches, sodomites, and blasphemers were all persecuted by the Inquisition. The process started in 1478 and ended in 1834. 356 years and it still failed to remove all the Protestants, Jews, Moors, Freemasons, witches, sodomites, and blasphemers from the Iberian peninsula. Message Received: Spanish Catholics are bloodthirsty.

3. 9/11 Attack
In an effort to demonstrate that the United States could be attacked, Al Qaeda hijacks four jets, flying two of them into the World Trade Center towers, one into the Pentagon, and the final one was crashed because the ‘fat, lazy Americans’ on board the aircraft stood up and prevented the terrorists from utilizing it to further their mission. The United States responded with devastating force and power. Message Received: Crazy religious people are dangerous and need to be stopped by any means necessary.

4. The Passion of Christ
The Romans in an effort to stop rebellion and eliminate troublemakers rounded up Jesus Christ and made him wear a crown of thorns, get beaten, and then get crucified. The Romans thought they were sending a clear message about the power of Rome but ended up creating a brand new religion. Message Received: Christ died for the sins of man.

5. Battlefield Earth
In an effort to spread the glory of L. Ron Hubbard, John Travolta had Battlefield Earth made into a motion picture. Nothing more really needs to be said about this. Message Received: Zealots like to throw money at bad projects.

Have I successfully offended enough people? I better stop before all the fanatics start frothing at their mouths. At least I won’t go down in history like a complete and utter joke like Rev. Terry Jones. Until next time, remember, the Internet, use it or lose it.