Nobody Uses the Internet on Fridays

Howdy stranger, you look like you could use a tall glass of Internet. Well it just so happens that no one is using the Internet on the account it is Friday. So go ahead and get as much of it as you want. I know, I know, when faced with so many choices, so many possible uses, you are probably a bit stymied. Don’t fret, partner, I’ll take care of you.

Let’s start off a little slow…

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It wasn’t until reading this that I realized a large part of Facebook is now focused on telling friends and family what people did in a virtual world instead of what they are actually doing in the real world, because what they are actually doing in a real world is ‘playing Facebook games.’ Now I know how all those people felt when I recounted the actions my D&D character took. Now all those people know why I felt a need to recount all the actions my D&D character took. The universe has found balance once again.

Facebook isn’t the only thing that is ruining the thrill of real life though, there is also an epidemic started by Romantic Comedies that is destroying relationships everywhere.

In Australia a 1,000 person study found that half of the participants believed romantic comedies with their lighthearted happy endings has ruined their view of an ideal relationship. They expect wild escapades, random gifts, and partners who just know exactly what they want without ever having to say.

“It seems our love of rom-coms is turning us into a nation of “happy-ever-after addicts.” Yet the warm and fuzzy feeling they provide can adversely influence our view of real relationships,” said Australian relationship counselor, Gabrielle Morrissey.

“Real relationships take work and true love requires more than fireworks.”

There have already been other scholars who have analyzed Romantic Comedies in terms of negative behavior. A man declaring his eternal love outside a woman’s window in a movie is considered a happy glorious wonderful risk taking expression of love. The Onion even did a satire piece on how romantic comedy behavior is really viewed in real life.

“Thank God he’s in custody, and this nightmarish ordeal is finally over,” said Hamilton, a single mother struggling to raise an adorable, towheaded boy all alone in the big city. “I repeatedly told him I wasn’t interested, but he just kept resorting to crazier and crazier schemes to make me fall in love with him.”

Okay, let’s make a deal. We’ll both put the Internet away for awhile, turn off the television, pull out the earbuds, go outside and do at least one real thing before we return to the secure sanctity of our unreal lives.