Sean D. Francis

Nobody Uses the Internet on Fridays

Posted on 09 July 2010

Ahoy, fellow cybertravelers, today is Friday and I’ve claimed the derelict of the SS Internet for my own, at least for the next few moments since no one is using it.  Grab a line and swing aboard. We’ll loot the hold, share a bottle of rum, and be awesome together.

First, a story from the sea.  The deep sea.  In Germany there is an octopus named Paul that successfully predicted the winner of each round of the World Cup.  In typical ‘burn the witch’ fashion, German soccer fans want Paul dead.  They want him cooked up. Those crazy Germans are acting as if Paul caused Germany to lose to Spain.  Knowing the future is not the same as making the future.  It isn’t Paul’s fault that Germany failed to defeat Spain.  It isn’t like this is the first time Germany failed to conquer Europe.  (See Britain, I can pick on other countries as well).  Germany – killing the goose that lays the golden eggs since forever.  Germany – only predict good things that come true or else they will cook you.  Germany – suffer no psychic octopus to live.  Germany – the land of killing the messenger.

Since we are in the depths of the sea, might as well talk about sharks.  Sharks and Rubik’s cubes. Not Rubik’s cube solving sharks unfortunately.  That would be really cool.  Can you imagine that?  Their fins working the cube, spinning it around, aligning the colors.  Okay, I’ve ruined this.  After putting the vision of awesome in your minds, the actual story is going to seem as bland as a a stale unsalted saltine.  David Calvo solved two Rubik’s cubes whilest… while… during… at the same time as….  While diving in a shark tank, David Calvo carried two unsolved Rubik’s cubes, one in each hand.  He then singlehandedly (get it?!) solved each cube as man-eating sharks circled.  What I did not realize was shark’s hated people solving puzzles in their vicinity.

Pirates…  we have to thank Disney for making Pirates cool again.  There is a great write up about the history of the Pirates of Caribbean ride.

Critical, too, to the success of Pirates of the Caribbean was the overall development of Audio-Animatronics, which also saw growth in leaps and bounds thanks to the World’s Fair. When you combine guests sailing along on “the high seas” with life-like animated pirates, you have the genesis of a classic attraction.

Sometimes (never) I am asked why there isn’t a Ninja Attraction at Walt Disneyland or World.  I have to tell the truth.  There is, but it is so stealthy, no one can find it.  That is the only concession I will make to those villainous black clad assassins.  It’s a Pirate’s life for me!

My first mate tells me there is a Royal Naval vessel on the horizon.  It is time to take our loot and raise our sails to the wind.  I’m certain by next Friday the Internet will be adrift again and we can plunder her booty (wow, that sounds naughty) once again.  Until next week – Arrrrr! and Huzzah!