Sean D. Francis

Nobody Uses the Internet on Fridays

Posted on 16 July 2010

What if I were to tell you your prayers to your god all went to the Dead Prayer Office and your god never got them? Would you be mortified? What if I told you that all the prayers coming from one country failed to reach the god that country worshipped? Does the god even know that country exists?

Apparently the poor people of Indonesia praying to Allah were praying in the wrong direction and thus, I am assuming with my absolute lack of knowledge, were missing Mecca. Prayers are like satellite dishes, right? If they are off by a few inches, the transmission fails… right? Well in my view of the world if the religion dictates that prayers need to go in a specific direction, that direction matters in terms of the prayer meaning anything to the god of the religion.

“But it has been decided that actually the mosques are facing Somalia or Kenya, so we are now suggesting people shift the direction slightly to the north-west,” the head of the MUI, Cholil Ridwan, told Reuters. “There’s no need to knock down mosques, just shift your direction slightly during prayer.”

Well, apparently the clerics in Indonesia are assuring the people that their prayers were clearly heard by Allah. There must be some massive receptor array in the afterlife that error corrects for human error. I guess that is a very good thing. Especially since Indonesia has the largest Muslim population in the world and we need to make sure their moderate prayers are given equal weight.

So speaking of bad taste, and this time not my bad taste but someone else’s… is it too soon to make Titanic jokes? What about Titanic novelty items? I remember seeing an ice cube tray that created little Titanics and little icebergs. I thought that was clever. So is a bouncy castle designed like the Titanic and iceberg in poor taste?

Switzerland’s Titanic Club spokesman Gunter Babler said: “Is it ethical to let kids slide down the decks of a blow up Titanic? Hundreds of people died sliding down those decks.”

Okay, wait. I first thought this was a story about a bouncy castle and I was all set to run in that direction. I mean it is Friday, no one is using the Internet and this is exactly the type of craziness I expect to uncover. Yet, in this story is a whole new level of craziness. Let me get my maps… yep, Switzerland is a landlocked country. Switzerland has a Titanic Club. What the humping heck is a Titanic Club?

A quick Google search shows that Switzerland and Titanic aren’t linked anywhere but in this story. So now I’m thinking the Titanic Club is a group of Swiss fans of the movie Titanic. The story even quotes someone referencing the movie: “No-one could forget that scene from the Titanic movie with all the people sliding down the decks to their deaths. It’s very insensitive.”

Titanic… Too Soon? You tell me.

In that vein of thought…

What was the last thing anyone said on the Titanic? ‘I know I ordered ice but this is ridiculous!’

What goes down well with ice? The Titanic!

The difference between this place and the Titanic is…. they had a band!

When the MS Explorer sank in Antarctica on November 11, 2007, the passengers and crew (all of whom lived) after the disaster, kept their spirits up by telling each other Titanic jokes. Was it too soon? Should they feel ashamed? Are only people whose lives are at risk allowed to make such insensitive jokes?

For those people who think spelling doesn’t matter when updating their Facebook statuses…

see more Failbook

Well, I’ve run the Internet ragged and now it is time to let it be. Until next week, the Internet, use it or lose it.