Nobody uses the Internet on Fridays – The Return

Even when you are unemployed, no one uses the Internet on Fridays. It is remarkable, actually. You’d think all of us unemployed people would be wasting tons of time playing Farmville. I think everyone is out scraping for a job like this out of work Imperial Stormtrooper just trying to get his resume copied.


It isn’t just tech support professionals like myself and stormtroopers that are having a hard time of it. Things are rough for hitmen as well.

Speaking of hitmen, or more specifically ninjas – the Sydney Morning Herald reported a group of ninjas in Sydney Australia rescued a 27-year-old German medical student from a mugger. The mugger assaulted the student outside the training facility where the ninjas practiced. Their sensei ordered them to assist the man.

“You should have seen their faces when they saw us in ninja gear coming toward them,” the school’s sensei, or master, Kaylan Soto, told the newspaper.

With all this time on my hand and no reason to use the Internet on a Friday, there is really very little else to do but maybe make brownies. Since the government is paying me to find a job, I think it only fair that I stick to the government standards for brownies. Seriously. The U.S. military has a 26 page document governing brownies. Okay to be fair, it covers both brownies and oatmeal cookies. The document is MIL-C-44072C and the sad part is all of this has to be spelled out because somewhere along the line someone thought it’d be really neat to screw the military over and make some crappy brownies. Bastards. I hate those people so much, those people passing off inferior brownies to soldiers. It may be hyperbole to call it treason but I’m unemployed and hyperbolization is one of the skills I’m working on for my next job as a carnival barker.