Sean D. Francis

Nobody uses the Internet on Friday

Posted on 09 April 2010

Another Friday and once again the Internet sits unused. Sometimes when I see the Internet on a Friday I feel like I’m seeing a dog in the dog pound who is just a bit too old to be all spry and playful but still would be a great companion if someone would just get over its appearance, bitter spitefulness, and stomach churning farts.

Well, this week the Internet coughed up a special treat – the Baja Mexico Earthquake live on This Week in Tech. The video below is just a snippet of the program, right at the point Xeni Jardin reports that she is experiencing an Earthquake right up to the point that everyone else believes her because Twitter said there was an Earthquake.

Twitter is the great reality verifier. Good thing Twitter wasn’t around when Orson Welles aired War of the Worlds.

@JerseyShoreKicksAss: Whoa! Just heard on radio Mars is invading.
@TrentonMama: Reports say Grovers Mill, NJ under alien attack. rt @JerseyShoreKicksAss: Whoa! … Mars is invading. #marsinvasion
@GroverMillsPaper: @TerntonMama False reports, no aliens here.
@JerseyShoreKicksAss: Aliens hacked @GroverMillsPaper! #marsinvasion
@TrentonMama: Tried calling 911 – got a busy signal!! #marsinvasion
@RandomDude: Why is everyone talking about #marsinvasion and #justinbieber?

I guess maybe things wouldn’t be that different, just more annoying.

Anyway, did you know that April is National Math Awareness Month? Neither did I. Neither did this woman.

I bet she’s much more aware of math now. Who knew in a game show that was about adding up the values of cards to equal 21 that math would be a useful skill? See kids, when they say math is important, what they are really saying is math can win you money. And math will be important in figuring out how to count the money. If you still can’t count the money, I will be more than willing to assist. For a small 12% fee. You do know what 12% of all your money is, right? If not, I’ll calculate it for you.

Here is a calculation for you to make. You are sitting on a plane, flying through the air at irrational speeds at an irrational height above the planet when the guy sitting next to you threatens to bring down the plane with the power of his mind. What do you do? A)Laugh at the idiot. B)Freak out. C)Freak out, a lot.

A passenger on a Qantus flight from Sydney to Singapore made such a threat and ended up getting handcuffed to his seat and I’m sure his fellow passengers gave him some serious stinkeye.

I think we can all agree that sitting next to a threatening crazy person on an airplane can really put a damper on a vacation. What if the person you had to sit next to was a real stiff, gave you the cold shoulder, and smelled a bit rank? Two English women tried to smuggle the dead body of a 91 year old relative onto their flight to Germany.

Honestly, this has the making of an English farcical version of Weekend at Bernie’s written all over it. They had the dead man in a wheelchair and sunglasses, pushing him through the airport. Oh the hijinx that would ensue. Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders can play the two women. If they are unwilling to dig up the body of Benny Hill, then John Cleese can play the role of the corpse.

I can see the Internet needs to be taken for a walk. Until next week, remember – the Internet, use it or lose it.