Sean D. Francis

Nobody uses the Internet on Friday

Posted on 19 March 2010

Top ‘o the day to you, my Irish lovin’ friends and companions… What? Crud, I missed a St. Patrick’s Day edition of NUTIOF. Well, kiss my Blarney Stone, inflate the bagpipes, and dance a jig because nobody is using the internet on this Friday and I am going to get it drunk on Guinness, Magners, and Jameson.

First up is the story of the Italian mobster who got himself nabbed because he loves the Facebook.

The 33-year-old [Pasquale Manfredi], who faces charges of murder, mafia association and drugs trafficking, was seized in Calabria.

Officers had been tipped off that Manfredi was a fan of the global social networking site and regularly logged on using his laptop.

Using sophisticated electronic surveillance equipment, officers managed to locate Manfredi to an apartment in Isola Capo Rizzuto, near Crotone in southern Italy.

Manfredi had over 200 friends and now the police are going through each of those friends to see what ties they may have to the mafia.  And what lesson did the Internet teach us today?  Accepting random friend requests on Facebook might lead to being investigated by law enforcement officials.  The police claimed Manifredi was caught using sophisticated electronic surveillance.  I think this was code for creating a fake user account with the picture of a hot woman, sending a friend request, and then a chat message that said something like “You’re hot, we should hook up, where are you?”  What lesson did the Internet teach us today? Accepting random friend requests from people claiming to be hot women can turn you from fugitive to prisoner.

Hot the heels of this arrest, the FBI is now going to utilize Twitter, Facebook, and other social media for investigative purposes.  The Chicago Tribune is offering a unique take on the situation by setting up the type of account on Twitter the FBI should have to help discover criminal activity.   They’ve provided some example tweets for the FBI to use, including “Planning a Tweet-up for sleeper cell enthusiasts. Anyone interested?”

Everyone always blames the Internet for having inaccurate information, but the media sometimes intentionally manufactures false information for bizarre reasons.  Take for instance the case of a Georgian (Georgia as in ex-Soviet state, not as in Atlanta) TV station broadcasting a news report that their President had been killed and the Russians were invading.  Can you believe people took them at their word?

Most viewers missed the initial short warning that the report was merely an example of possible events that could only occur “if Georgian society is not brought together against Russia’s plans.”, leading thousands of individuals to rush out onto the streets.

I think news networks could fill hours and hours of television if they focused on examples of possible events.  Here are some other possible events that Georgia TV might want to cover in the future.

• “Georgia wins the lottery, becomes wealthiest nation on planet.”
• “Georgia launches a space mission to Jupiter.”
• “Godzilla wipes out Russia, Georgia celebrates!”

In other wacky international events, a Spanish animal rights group is protesting the loss of the siesta, the nap up to an hour after lunch that is part of the cultural patrimony.  Yes! It is about time someone took up the cause of naps.  Naps are animal rights! Yes, I refuse to read further into this because this is really just a weak attack on bullfighting.  Bullfighting, the brutal sport, has been protected under Spanish law as ‘cultural patrimony’.  Yawn. Now I really want a nap, but no, I must go further, strive harder, and make this the best use of the Internet on a Friday I possibly can.

One of the things I love about the internet is you can really find the truth of something.  Take this chart for example:

see more Funny Graphs

This is exactly why I don’t use shuffle or randomized playlists.  I know what I want to hear, even if that long unheard Enya song is just waiting to be played, when I’m in a Ramones mood, I’m in a Ramones mood.

Okay, I can see that the Internet is swaying and starting to tell everyone how much it loves them.  I better put it away before it starts drunk dialing DARPA for a booty call.

Slainte!