Do you want to know a secret?
Today is Friday and the fact of the matter is, nobody, I mean NOBODY uses the internet on Friday. It is like finding out there is a perfectly good sports car in the garage with the keys in it and nobody is driving it. WWFBD? What would Ferris Bueller do? That’s right. Take it, use it, and then make the internet go backwards to make it look like he didn’t use it at all.
Remember what Ferris said, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it.” So what kind of ‘stop and smell the roses’ trouble can we get into today?
Well hey, how about some thrill seeking fun? In France (those crazy French) there is a company called Ultime Realite or in Americanese Ultimate Reality. Those French, it is like they have a different word for everything! I don’t know how something can be more real than real, but this company offers a kidnapping for the low price of 900 euros or roughly 1200 US dollars. Considering a real kidnapping in Brazil can run into the millions for the ransom this is a real bargain. Additionally, the victim of Ultime Realite‘s kidnapping is guaranteed that the maximum incarceration time is only going to be 11 hours. Less-than-ultimate-reality kidnappings can last for weeks or months. Years if you get kidnapped by Iranians.
Now if only they would offer a service to play out a Somali pirate attack.
Well, if that isn’t enough excitement for you and you want some chemical enhancement to the enjoyment of life, look no further than the curves of a woman. Yep, some lucky researchers put together a study that took 14 men with the average age of 25 to look at pictures of curvy women. Hold up, what’s that? How in the heck did they find 14 men around the age of 25 willing to look at curvy women? That is absurd! They must have combed every inch of the country looking for these unique individuals. And to come up with such a lofty number like 14… wow. Clearly the work of noble spirits. What was I saying? Oh, right, so this pantheon of 14 men looked at pictures of curvacious women’s posteriors. These were pictures taken before these women underwent a cosmetic operation.
They then showed them pictures of the same women after cosmetic surgery to move fat from their waists to their backsides without changing their overall weight.
Brain scans of the men revealed that looking at the women after surgery activated parts of the brain linked with rewards, including regions associated with responses to drugs and alcohol.
Boo-ya! Put down that cocktail, stop snorting those drugs, Sir Mix-A-Lot had it right all along.
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
‘Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she’s wearing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
There is a serious side to this, sadly, as this study is looking at porn addiction and erectile dysfunction in the absence of porn. Sad, sad stuff. But I do want to highlight the fact that this is a case that fundamentally, the anorexic models that get pushed off on us because designers don’t want to use too much fabric for their one of a kind designs aren’t the women that average men go nuts for. There is a basis for this in terms of ‘the state of nature’.
Men are wired to love women’s curves for a reason, says psychotherapist Karol Ward, author of the book Find Your Inner Voice.
“Curvy looks in a woman mean that she is good at reproduction, and so the man gets the message that this is someone they could procreate with,” she explains. “The attraction has a lot to do with fertility.”
Do you think we should turn back? Would Ferris turn back when there was more road ahead of him? “If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.”
Who can deny that ninjas are mysterious awesome warriors of Japan’s past? No one. And what makes a ninja more mysterious? Making the ninja serve food and put on performance as if they were some Medieval Times jouster. As if… but in Taipei Taiwan, there is a restaurant where the waitresses dress as ninjas, performing minor feats of magic with flash paper menus and carry katanas (so don’t get all handsy!). In the great war between ninjas and pirates, this evens the score for making the pirates in Disney’s ride stop chasing the busty wenches.
Well now, look at the time. Guess I better get the internet back to Cameron’s dad’s garage … crud, I just realize I can’t drive the internet backward. Oh well, I guess Cameron’s dad will have to face the fact that he can’t love the internet more than his son. Or something. I really don’t care, this schtick has worn thin.
Until next Friday, darlings.
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